Being Honest

You might have noticed I’ve been oddly silent lately. Being honest, I didn’t feel like I had much to say about happiness. I still read my Happiness Manifesto often, and I choose love and joy every day, but there have been more moments of the other junk lately: doubts, sadness, worry. Not just for all the changes in my life and those to be faced ahead, but for those people near and dear to me.

Happiness is a choice. I know that. And most days, I get up, and I choose it. In fact, I sometimes have to change my perspective on something driving me crazy (like going to the DMV for the second time after being turned away at first in my new state on a technicality in paperwork) or making me sad (like hearing news about a dear one’s troubles).

I’ve promised myself I won’t be Pollyanna about happiness. I’ll feel what I need to feel. One of my oldest friends recently told me I’m going through one of those seasons. She’s right, but frankly, I’m tired of it. I want to feel like I have a million hot air balloons and rainbows inside me every day.

What I’ve realized lately is that I can feel the other stuff and know it’s not going to stay. It isn’t me or the sum total of me. I am whole and complete as I am: fearful, joyous, or sad. Maybe the junk will pass in an hour or a day. But it won’t stay. I won’t let it.
Sure my choice to stay in my happiness has often felt like trudging uphill in a blizzard, but trudge I do, trying to believe easier roads are opening up as I walk. Because there’s no going backward. Only forward. Despite the doubts that plague me sometimes or the sharp sadness for others I love that breaks my heart.

How do we live in the world with compassion when people are hurting? When we’re hurting? One moment at a time has become my answer.

Wishing you easy roads and happy moments.