Transformation

Most of us women have a hard time with this word, surrender (and I expect it’s foreign to most men). I know I have had my own tug of war with it. I want to fall back and trust that I will be caught, but so often I just want to turn around and go into a push-up position myself because I can do it myself.

Surrendering.

What in the heck is happy about that, you might ask?

Well, at the core of it, we’re truly happy when we trust that everything in our lives is going to work out, even if we can’t see how.

We come to that trust by surrendering.

I recently heard an explanation of surrendering that really worked for me: it’s the act of letting go of what no longer serves us so the good stuff can show up easier (and faster, I’ll add).

If that’s what surrender is, why in the world wasn’t I doing it earlier? Before, surrendering seemed like giving up on something I truly wanted or some power-based notion that I didn’t have enough power to make something happen on my own. Surrendering was a disempowering act in my old world view.

But that is changing.

I recently did the inconceivable. I placed my first book—a book I had spent over four years working on—for free. Imagine doing something like this, especially when writing is your livelihood. I had been guided to do this earlier, but I couldn’t at that time. But it still kept coming up, so I firmed up my resolve and followed my heart. I surrendered the book and all of its messages to the ultimate good of all.

And do you know what happened? Tons of new readers are resonating with NORA ROBERTS LAND and reading the rest of my books. Who knew that the act of making something free could bring in such abundance?

There’s a link, folks. Play with this one for the next week and see where it takes you. Is there something you’ve been holding onto, trying to force this way or that? How about a gentle surrender? Bring a little happiness into the situation instead of chronic anxiety?

Who knows? It might just change your life. My act of surrender has.

 

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If there is one thing I know it’s that we all need to have dreams in our lives. If we don’t, our spirit withers and dies.

It’s just that simple.

For a long time, I dreamed of being healthy again. I followed my guidance, took action, was patient with the process (okay, not all the time), and voila, here I am healthier than ever.

In the past few years, I dreamed of being a bestselling author. I wrote. I worked hard. I learned. I got rejected. I got back up. I put myself out there again and again. And then I followed the road to my highest version of publication. And voila, here I am.

I have other dreams, ones yet unfulfilled. I am sure you do too. And I nurture those dreams inside me like I do a new baby plant in my garden. I tend it with gentle care. I applaud it as it grows, and I darn well make sure I keep the conditions right so it can take off.

Are you dreaming?

It takes some daring, doesn’t it? When I was younger, I would have said, “who am I to think I could be a bestselling author?” I’m just a girl born in a small town in the Midwest whose first house was a trailer.

But who am I not to be?

Who are you not to be?

It also takes some pretty big dreaming. There is a boldness to big dreams. I watch Master Class by the awesome Oprah Winfrey, and over and over again, the actor or artist talks about having big dreams, dreams that didn’t seem possible. Dreams that person is now living. I am inspired by those people and am grateful for their stories.

Happiness is dreaming. Big. Daring to. Following the dreams. Living them.

What is your dream? If you don’t have one, reach deep. Put your hand on your heart and listen. If you don’t hear it
at first, do this again and again for the next couple of weeks. You might be surprised by what you hear. I know I was. I thought I had my whole life planned out. Funny how that works.

My entire life has shifted because my dreams would not be silenced by rejection, by a lack of acknowledgement by “the gatekeepers,” by the “impossibility” of them. Your dreams won’t be silenced either, and like Paulo Coelho writes so beautifully in his incredible book, The Alchemist, the Universe always rises up in support of us living our dreams.

The journey may be windy or straight, fast or slow, easy or difficult. We don’t know when we set out. We just know we must.

So, if you’re tired of following your dreams because you’re not “there” yet, take heart. It will happen if you keep going. If you don’t have a dream yet, then listen to your heart. It will tell you what it is and what to do. And if you’re living your dreams, tell others. We all need the inspiration.

The world would be a lot happier if we were all reaching for and then living our dreams.

Here’s to happy dreaming.

 

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We all root for characters that can turn their lives around. From the first chapter or those opening scenes in a movie, we see them simply existing, perhaps unaware that there’s something better for them or just coming awake to the realization that there is.

People are like that too. We have seasons in our life where we’re existing, surviving. Perhaps it’s an illness or a heartbreak or a disappointment. Whatever it is, we start shrinking. It’s like our spirit literally contracts inside us.

As I wander through my garden this spring, it feels like the perfect metaphor for my characters…and well, me. I am thriving. I’ve had my share of all of the above, but like the Holy Grail that characters seek out, I found the healing waters needed to nourish me and bring me back to life. Once there, the good stuff starts pouring in. My spirit started expanding like new buds on my English rose bush until there are thousands of them literally within days.

Happiness is thriving.

I’ve had some interesting conversations with people lately, and it’s pretty obvious what stage they are in. Surviving or existing is tough. The skies feel constantly cloudy, there’s little passion in our lives, and we often walk around confused or overwhelmed. Then there’s the other stage of finding that internal Holy Grail, the healing waters of our true nature and our divine purpose. As someone who’s changed her entire life in the last few years, I can say firsthand that this stage takes courage. But we receive glimpses of that golden cup along the way when we are tired and want to give up. Yet in those moments, we realize we don’t want to go back to where we came from. Just surviving and existing isn’t enough. We are made for so much more. Once we know how to drink from that golden cup all of the time, we start to thrive. Everything changes, both inside and out.

Where are you in your human experience? It takes real courage to look, and sometimes, we are blind to where we are, especially when we’re in survival and existing mode. In that stage, our senses are numb because of all the pain we have left unresolved inside ourselves.

My current heroine in THE CHOCOLATE GARDEN is going through all of these steps, and as the writer, her best friend, it’s a privilege and an honor to watch her journey and transformation to thriving again—our true nature. The same is true for the “real” people in my own circle who journey with me from time to time. The same is true for myself.

Take a moment to think about what thriving looks like in your life. Once you do, hold the vision and start moving toward it. It will find you, and you will find it.

I can promise you that if you allow the golden cup to nourish you to that state, you will be happier than you’ve ever been. Thriving. What an incredible word. What an incredible state of being.

 

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The rat race has been on my mind lately. Just think of that phrase. Rat. Race.

And yet it’s a phrase commonly used to describe the lives we lead. This endless cycle of busy-busy-busy.

Why are we so driven to rush through life? I know I have this pull inside me: the desire to do more, be more, accomplish more. What about you?

Well, I’ve hit a “tired” patch. I don’t consciously participate in the rat race as much anymore, but I realized I have been pushing, rushing, being busier than is good for me. How do I know? Because I am creatively zapped right now, tired, and just want to lie in a hammock and feel the breeze wash over my face. So I’ve made some changes to my schedule recently so I can recharge.

Happiness is giving ourselves space.

In order to cultivate happiness, we need to give it space. We need to nurture it, and what I really mean is that we need to do this for ourselves. We need space to be available to the good stuff: fun, creativity, connection. All of the ingredients to our happiness stew. A friend was just talking to me about being available. I like that term.

Deep within us is a space that longs for simplicity and peace. A place that doesn’t want to have to do another chore or accomplish one more thing. It’s a space that just wants to be okay with things as they are.

Acceptance.

That’s a powerful word.

We can’t really accept ourselves if we’re always pushing. We can’t feel happiness if we don’t have enough space, rather like a butterfly trapped inside a plastic bubble. The crushing, contracting feeling we experience when we overdo things zaps all of our happiness.

Are you giving yourself enough space? Heck, are you giving yourself any space? Take a look with me at your calendar, for example. If you don’t have a lot of white space on your calendar, this might be a wakeup call. I know mine was. Now tune in and ask yourself, do I feel any peace in my life in this and this area? If the answer is no or you can’t feel that calmness, then you need more space.

Like I do right now.

So, step back. Cancel some things that aren’t really important. Shift other things ahead.

You’ll find yourself immediately feeling more peaceful. Happiness is just around the corner.

 

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Sometimes you see just the right thing at the right time. A book drops off the shelf. Or in my case, you turn the TV on at the right time and come across a program you weren’t planning to watch.

One you were meant to watch.

That happened to me last Friday. I was watching a movie, and I hit the wrong button and went back to the TV. The channel that came on hadn’t been one I had been watching. Can you hear the eerie music creeping in? Something magical is happening. The show was on Oprah’s network, OWN, and she was interviewing Pharrell about his song, “Happy.”

Well, I know when something significant is happening, so I started watching, and boy, am I glad I did.

Pharrell shared that when “Happy” came out in the movie, Despicable Me 2 in July, NO ONE would play the song on the radio. It sounded nothing like the other hot music on the radio then. Can you imagine that?

He doubted.

Then he trusted the vision.

He made the video to “Happy” in November because he believed in it, five months later mind you, and it went viral. Now it’s one of the most played songs out there and has catapulted this artist to his own success, one that he’d given up hoping on.

Happiness is trusting the vision.

Why did this resonate so much? I’m still a new author, out less than a year. I put NORA ROBERTS LAND out there in July, the same time as “Happy.” The book has been finding readers and the other way around, but there have been some bumps here and there. I still know where I want to be, and I’m not there yet. I’m grateful for all I have received, but I have had my moments since quitting a very lucrative career wondering if this is all going to work out.

Happiness is trusting the vision.

If Pharrell can have that big of a shift in just five months, so can I. My sister, Michelle, the one who had her ex blame their divorce on Nora Roberts also just had a huge breakthrough. She’s still working “the day job,” but pursuing her dream job on the side like I used to do. She was just voted Best Wedding Planner of the Year in the city she lives in.

Again, happiness is trusting the vision.

Deep down inside us, there is a blueprint of this vision. Once we are brave enough to look, we see what we’re called to do. But that’s not enough. We have to take guided action and that takes courage and trust and lots of grace.

When the storms come and shake the foundations, when things don’t turn out like we expect, it’s easy to stop trusting that that blueprint, that soul vision, and think it was wrong or simply fading like old ink on parchment.

In those moments, we have to reach deep inside and trust the vision. The vision is the path to our highest happiness.

Where are you with your vision? Do you have one? Have you looked? If so, are you moving forward?

A dear friend just wrote me to tell me she is taking the steps to her divine blueprint, this new blissful vision. She said it’s exciting and scary and oh so new.

That’s how the path is lined, it seems.

But we are not alone as we walk it, and our feet are sure and true as we continue to walk down it—even when the sky grows dark. When it does, there is shelter and support.

We wait for the sun to come out.

Happiness is trusting the vision.

 

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Well, I’ve talked about this topic before, but it seems I need to continue making it into a practice because it hasn’t stuck yet. Why? Keep reading.

As I am reaching almost a year since I quit my old career to become a full-time writer, I have taken the time to reflect on how things have changed. One thing that stood out was how busy I felt, how overextended. I was running in too many directions. Working way too hard. Not taking enough time to just be still and have fun.

I expected the first year to be about start-up. I mean, my entire world shifted. I had to create a publishing house. I had to hire employees. I had to write and release books. I had to get on social media and reach out to people. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

I have some of those aspects pretty well in hand now. I know how to write books. I am continuing to learn about the best ways to make the business side expand. And, of course, the most heart-felt way to connect with readers and people in the publishing industry.

One thing I realized is that “everything” will get done at some point, and there’s no point killing myself to try and do it all by myself or in a really compressed timeframe. It’s time to walk a new path.

Happiness is simplicity.

How could I make my current life simpler? Were there tasks I was doing that could be done easier? Or not at all? Could I adjust my schedule to allow myself to take more frequent breathing spaces?

Yes.

It’s funny, but I am coming back full circle to the mantra I had when I first started this new journey a year ago. Keep it simple. Expect the best. TRUST.

How does that resonate?

It’s so easy to pile on, isn’t it? Add to the to-do list. Throw in another task because we think it might produce a higher outcome. You’d think I would have learned in my last career that the scatter-shot approach doesn’t work. Slow and steady gets the job done every time.

So, there we go. Simpler. Better.

Most of all, happier. And that’s why we’re truly here after all.

How could you make your life simpler, and how much happier would you be if you did?

 

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This topic of letting go didn’t used to be a happy place for me. The truth is that I had a hard time letting things go. People included. When I make meaningful connections with people, I want to keep cultivating them. I love these people, so I want that to continue.

Does that sound familiar to you too?

But something happens in certain relationships. Over time, or for no reason at all, the people you love, who say they love you, stop reaching back. They don’t call you back. They don’t make plans with you when you suggest them. They don’t even call when big things happen to you in your life.

Lately, I have had to really take inventory of my relationships. There are some people who I love, who I have considered close friends, who just aren’t there for me anymore. When we see each other every four to six months, it’s nice, but I leave thinking: why has it taken this long? Why isn’t this person being a more consistent friend in my life?

For the last month, I have really decided to let go of these relationships. If the people surprise me and start coming around more, great. My heart is open.

But I’m going to stop settling for crumbs.

I’m going to let them go and open myself up to more relationships like the ones I want: fun, fulfilling, consistent, supportive.

So this week, happiness is letting go.

I realized that if I am going to be my best friend, I need to start acting like one. A best friend wouldn’t let you continue this way. She’d say, “these people haven’t been acting like your friends. Not the kind you want or need, honestly.” And she’s right.

In letting go of the attachment to them and the energy of trying to hold them, I create more space for the right people to come into my life and fulfill me NOW.

Who are you holding onto? Is it time to let go and be happy?

I marvel at how often we stay “stuck” with people. We know it’s not working. We leave them or don’t hear back from them, and all we feel is frustration, sometimes even resentment. Why don’t we let go sooner?

I’m glad I can now say that happiness is letting go.

I can’t wait to see who’s going to show up now. What about you?

 

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You might be thinking, isn’t doing what makes you happy a given? Is Ava having a moment or something?

I’ve realized something interesting about we complex human beings: we often know what makes us happy, but we don’t do it.

Case in point. I recently started taking dance classes again. I have done this at various stages throughout my life with stops and starts. I began with the tango, a dance I have always wanted to learn, and then moved to the rhumba. This resurgence of dance in my life has reminded me how much I love it. Dancing makes me happier than I can express. It’s euphoric!

So, why did I stop? Why did I stay away from it?

I’ve talked to other people recently about this conundrum. When I asked them if there’s something they aren’t doing, they usually can name at least one thing. This passion, I will call it, isn’t being pursued by some story the person is telling themselves. I don’t have enough time, money, a partner to do it with, the talent, etc. etc.

You know what I’m talking about, right?

I had some excuse for not dancing before, but now that I am back to it, grinning for the entire evening as I whirl around the floor, I have made a commitment to myself to live my life from a place of passion.

Because what I am passionate about will likely bring me happiness.

What about you? What makes you happy? Are you doing it? Is it part of your daily life or some ephemeral experience you give yourself every once in a while?

Make the Happiness Commitment with me, start doing it today, and watch your entire life change. I know mine has.

 

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Some of you may have realized that I didn’t write a blog last week. I had family arrive, was feeling rushed, and had that moment of decision: do I keep the madness going or do I say STOP?

Happiness is stopping. For once.

It’s so easy to get into the busyness of life, isn’t it? All of the daily tasks, errands, and dare I add? obligations. Why don’t we give ourselves permission to stop more? I had to ask myself last week: really, what’s the worst thing that could happen if I missed one week writing The Happiness Corner? Isn’t the whole point of The Happiness Corner to be happy? Jeez! And here I was trying to fit it in. Push it. Rush it.

Sound familiar? Can I hear an Amen?

How often do we say or hear others say, “I’m just crazy busy. Don’t get enough sleep. Never have enough time.” Why don’t we all STOP? 

I think the pre-school teachers were onto something when they came up with the whole “time out” thing. But I want to flip it on its head. Instead of “punishing” ourselves by taking a time out for bad behavior, why don’t we honor ourselves instead? Just stop for one second, one minute, one hour, one day, or in my case, one week. Just stop.

We don’t do it enough. 

So, I’m putting it out there. Happiness is stopping. I had a brilliant evening with my visiting family and didn’t give the delayed blog post another thought. What could you “stop” doing right now? What could be delayed, delegated, or even kicked to the curb? 

Join with me right now. Just stop. Take a breath. And make a new choice.

After the relief comes, I’ll bet you’ll start feeling happier right away.

 

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Celebrating life isn’t something we do often enough. I recently took an evening to really celebrate how far I have come in my new writing career this past Saturday, and we went all out with a grand meal. We former chefs love to eat, and I decided to really go for it with a special cocktail called The Original Millionaire (calling in that one), poached lobster (been years), and a street food I discovered in Mexico when I was doing mission work on the border called churros.

Happiness is celebration.

There’s just no denying it. But what about when we feel like things aren’t going well? Can we take a moment to step back and celebrate one little thing, however small we think it is?

When I was in my mid-twenties, I had a serious illness, and one thing it taught me was to celebrate more often. I decided I wasn’t going to wait for something I considered truly momentous. If I was having a great day and felt happy, I was going to celebrate it. If I had done something that was really hard for me, like speaking my truth in a relationship for the first time, well, I was going to celebrate that too. It could be with a special treat for myself, anything from my favorite custard ice cream in our neighborhood to a glass of champagne. Having champagne, one of my favorites, just because is a powerful way to celebrate. We don’t pop the bubbly as often as we might since we reserve that magical elixir for special moments. Well, I decided I wanted more bubbles in my life, wanted to live more effervescently, so it comes out more often now.

And it makes me happy.

How often do you celebrate yourself? Celebrate that you’re here and alive and are doing the best you can? I know growing up, I didn’t even know what that meant. I’m glad I’ve learned it now.

We often find it so easy to celebrate something in another, their new job, their success, their engagement. But when it comes to us… Well, we don’t want to turn the spotlight on ourselves.

And we should. We all matter, and celebrating that we are here is celebrating the whole human race when you think about it. We really do all matter, and so when I raise my glass now, I often toast everybody. We’re all here for a reason, doing what’s in front of us. That counts.

So, when was the last time you truly celebrated yourself? And if it’s been a while, do something nice for yourself. I’ll be toasting you when I next raise my glass.

 

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