Transformation

Ava thought that it was only fitting that I was a guest blogger in the next two weeks following her first book’s debut, Nora Roberts Land, since it is based on what actually happened to me.

On my way to finding true happiness, like so many of us, I believed in happily ever afters. In true love’s first kiss, in serendipity and in finding someone who would fit so perfectly in my life—be my soul mate.

When I met my first husband, I thought that he was The One, and we would live happily ever after—not in the Disney way, but in a more meaningful share-your-life-and-hopes-and-dreams way. Knowing him for almost 8 years before we were married, I really thought that we could make it. And there were moments that I was happy, but they never lasted.

Then, not far into our marriage, it happened—The Switch. It didn’t happen overnight, but the distance started to grow between us. He started pulling away emotionally and physically, and soon I seemed to be married to a stranger. One that looked at me and told me he didn’t love me anymore. That he wasn’t sure if he ever really had.

It was in one counseling session that he made the craziest comment of all, “You have an unrealistic view of love because of all those Nora Robert’s romance novels that you read all the time. That kind of love doesn’t exist in real life. You shouldn’t have gotten your hopes up expecting me to live up to something that isn’t real…”

And so, in my many conversations with Ava, my family and friends, I shared my broken heart, his hurtful words and ultimately, my decision to move out and get a divorce. And much like Nora Roberts Land’s main character, Meredith, I was left feeling angry, hurt and betrayed, among other things.

My family was much like the Hale family in Ava’s book—loving, very supportive, and protective of me—especially during this time in my life. Funny but I think they might have given Ava an idea for the nickname of Meredith’s ex, Rick-the-Dick, in the book too—they do love me!

I think the worst part of it all was that the person that I thought he was disappeared and was replaced with a person I didn’t really want to know. I lost more than just a husband—in then end I lost who I really was. I gave up a lot of who I was to make him happy and ultimately, lost my own true self and my true happiness.

Coming off my divorce, I went through a lot of what Meredith went through in the story—panic attacks, internal pep talks, and an overall wanting to feel whole again. And like her—wanting to believe so much that my Nora Roberts Land was still out there.

Did I have a recipe or plan in mind to make that happen? Not really. I knew that I wanted to take some time to get to know me—this person that I was realizing was stronger than I thought and more capable than I gave myself credit for. This new skinnier me that somehow lost the 10 pounds in what my friends referred to as the Divorce Diet.

So I kept up sessions with my counselor, kept close to my family and friends and worked on the big thing called Forgiveness. You see, I didn’t feel like it was fair to anyone to only share the good part of my heart—the side that wasn’t broken. I wanted to be able to truly give myself fully to someone, and that involved letting go of the past with my ex and all the anger, hurt, pain, regret, betrayal and grief.

Reading the scene in the book at the end where Meredith confronts her ex brought tears to my eyes since I was able to experience that same moment of letting go in my own life and truly forgive. And it came with such freedom that I hope more people will take it to heart and find that within them to move on. You never know what is right around the corner—I never dreamed what would happen next…but I had hoped.

And like any good story, you will have to read next week’s blog to find out how my story turned out! I will give you a hint—like Ava’s amazing character Meredith, I finally found my happily ever after!

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Michelle Khamis is Ava Miles’ younger sister. Being a mechanical engineer by trade, Michelle was always into organization and details. Truly inspired by planning her own wedding in 2009, she saw an opportunity to use her unique skills to help couples and others alike that needed a little help creating the perfect vision for their events. Today she is a wedding and event planner and founder of Dream Your Vision Event Planning, with headquarters located in Arkansas. She lives in Little Rock with her wonderful husband George and a little Sheltie named Maddie. She loves to crochet (something that she inherited from their Grandmother), read, practice yoga and spend time with her family and friends. You can find more information about Michelle at her website: http://www.dyveventplanning.com.

 

Well, folks, it’s Happy Release Day (July 2), and I am writing a special blog post outside of the Friday norm. 

There are a lot of metaphors to describe the launch of me as an Indie author, and trust me, I realize the time is perfect with July 4th being a few days away. A friend actually told me July 2 is the day the Founding Fathers signed the Declaration of Independence (they only announced it to the public on July 4). I like to think the founders wanted to savor the news for a few days. It’s like people who find out they are pregnant and have that wonderful secret all to themselves for a while. 

NORA ROBERTS LAND has had its journey up to this point like all books do, and it still has more road to travel now that it’s being sent out into the world. But how does all this relate to freedom and happiness? 

It’s the gratitude I have for all Indie authors who have helped us come to this place where I can publish my work and allow readers to have the freedom to read it should they choose. Happiness is knowing you have the freedom to speak with your voice, to be heard, and knowing that matters. One of my favorite moments in The King’s Speech is when The King bursts out, “I have a voice.” Yes, we all do. And it’s meant to be heard, shared.

Happiness is the freedom to do what we know we need to do, what we are called to do, what we must do. I am an author–to my soul. Stories make my heart sing. It is my calling. Having the freedom to share them makes me happy. 

I write about characters resurrecting that freedom in their own lives. Being empowered. Meredith Hale chooses to throw off the shackles of her divorce and the belief she’d taken on from her ex-husband that Nora Roberts’ novels put ideas in her head. My hero, Tanner McBride, throws off the job of a burned-out war correspondent and decides to find out if there’s anything safe, sacred, or beautiful in life anymore. And personally they find what they need, and together they find even more–a love only reserved for that happily ever after called NORA ROBERTS LAND.

So, as we all celebrate July 4, I am grateful for all the freedom I have. The freedom to be me and speak with my voice and know it is my greatest contribution to the world. The freedom to publish this story and allow readers to find it and enjoy it. The freedom to know that my life, my present, and my future are all in my own hands. After all, when we speak with our voice, we inspire others to do the same. 

“I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul.” William Ernest Henley, Invictus.

I claim the same for you and your journey. 

Image courtesy of Vlado at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

 

We’ve all heard the quote: “Gratitude is the open door to abundance” by Yogi Bhajhan. For me, there’s nothing “happier” than abundance. As a way of reminding myself of all I have to be grateful for, I write in a gratitude journal every night. Most days, it’s pretty easy to list what I’m grateful for that day. I typically go with five grateful moments, but I love the days when there are so many I end up with something like ten.

With my first book only a few days away from its official release, there’s a lot to be grateful for. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that nearly every book you read has either a Dedication page or an Acknowledgements Page or both. Writing a book is not always the easiest thing to do. And publishing a book–especially as an Indie author–is also not exactly the easiest thing to do either. However, there’s a lot of support to help with that, and I am feeling super grateful for all of mine right now. (Check out my own Dedication and Acknowledgements Pages in NORA ROBERTS LAND. Wink.)

My heroine, Meredith Hale, doesn’t feel super supported or grateful for much in her life after her divorce. Her life is in shambles. She’s lost a sense of herself, her identity. And she’s lost friends after the divorce, which is often the case. Once she makes the decision to return home, she’s surrounded by support. Her family envelopes her with their remarkable presence. This is something she realizes immediately. It’s a moment of gratitude, and it starts to shift how she sees her life. It’s one of my favorite moments in the book because we’ve all had it. We’re thinking our life, well, sucks, and then we try something different, and wow, we receive a surprise. Our life is different. We have support. And we’re grateful for it. 

So, my gratitude is expanding inside of me for all who have come before this moment, all who are in this moment, and all who will be coming into future moments. I am grateful for all of the help I have received in getting this book to this moment. And I am grateful for all who will read Meredith and Tanner’s journey in NORA ROBERTS LAND. 

Let the gratitude and happiness abound. 

 

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

As news is spreading about my first book being released, I’m having some interesting questions from people. The kind where you feel the punch in your gut and know how you answer really informs how you’re shaping your world. At a BBQ recently on the Chesapeake Bay in Maryland, a woman asked me how I defined success as a writer. I took a moment. The view I had could have graced an Oscar-winning movie in cinematography. The dark, rolling water stretched for miles layered over by a blue sky dotted with fat clouds. I listened. The waves had their own internal rhythm–like my life. I thought, this question isn’t only about me being a writer. As such, my answer came out surprisingly easily.

Success for me is when I’m happy with what I’ve done. This could mean how the story is going as I’m writing or the finished manuscript. Believe me, when I’m smack dab in my bliss of writing a magical scene with my characters acting on The Writer’s Stage of my mind in full complement, I know it’s working. I’m happy with myself and what I produce. It’s that feeling of “Yes!.”  When I close my computer, I haven’t thought of it as success, but it’s a sense of accomplishment. And when I finish the first draft of a book, I’m happy. I did it! I always celebrate by opening a bottle of champagne. I toast myself and my characters and their story–and all who are going to read it. It’s happiness because I’m living my life purpose and producing what I am meant to contribute to the world. That’s my success.

Having had another career in a corporate sense, I remember the trap of success: raises, promotions, being selected for a certain high-level business trip, attending the big meetings, etc. We all have our own list of these. I always felt like I was striving for the next thing, and funny how when it came, the good feelings wore off pretty quickly. Then it was back to the grindstone again.

I don’t plan to fall into that trap again. I’m not suggesting external measurements don’t give us a sense of how we’re doing, but they don’t often bring us happiness. If they did, we wouldn’t see so many unhappy “successful” people.

I’m choosing a happiness I can control (not the ones outside of myself), rooted in my gifts. I’m trusting in my voice, and in my vision for my writing and my new career.

So, when someone asks you how you define success, how are you going to answer?

So, the more time I spend focusing on being happy, another truth is emerging. Who we hang around makes a big difference. I was raised to be pretty inclusive and even try and help make other people happy. Joke around, you know? But here’s what I’ve realized. People who aren’t happy typically don’t change just because someone tries to help. We are all in charge of our own happiness. And people who we can’t laugh with or be happy with drag us down. Remember the Happy Thoughts blog last week? Well, it’s simple. When we’re with other people, we talk, right? Talk is the verbalization of our thoughts. If we’re not with happy people, chances are happy thoughts are not coming out of their mouths. Instead it might be a continued rant of negativity about their life, judgment about other people, or simply an unintentional reaction to our own happiness. We can’t express happy thoughts with people unwilling to engage in the exchange. So we find ourselves talking about other things–not the Happiness Corner.

I’m not suggesting people have to be happy all the time, but there needs to be a commitment in trying to be. Or more, we know they’ll be happy with us and put their own negativity aside. We all have bad days and need to talk about it. I’m not saying we need to be fake. But as I have taken inventory in my life from time to time, I ask myself: does this person make me laugh? Do I feel happy around them? Oh, and here’s the kicker. Can I be happy around them and know they will support me? It’s sad how sometimes people can’t support our happiness because it magnifies a big hole in their own life.

I’ve thought for a long time happy people had found the secret to life. Happy people seemed to hang around other happy people. I decided I needed to learn more since I wanted to be happy too. I observed. I wrote about characters seeking happiness. I even studied the various guides out there on happiness. When it all comes down to it, it’s a practice. And as I step more into living my dreams, I want more people in my life who will support my happiness. Not tell me all the reasons what I’m doing is a risk or crazy or . . . Insert your own experience here. We’ve all had the naysayers. I’m simply choosing not to hang with them anymore.

I want Happy People. People who want to pop a bottle of champagne for fun on a Tuesday to celebrate life. People who’ll laugh with me until my belly hurts. People who will help me laugh when I’ve had a tough day. My sister and I did this for each other today. We ended up recounting our favorite Mel Brooks’ movie scenes and laughing at the silliness. We all have what works for us in the challenging moments.

So take a look at your circle and don’t be afraid to ask yourself: who’s happy and who’s the downer? When we let go, it’s only opening up room in our life for more happy people to come in.

photo credit:oxfordian.world via photopin cc

Consistency isn’t a sexy word, but one thing that’s become obvious to me is consistency in our thoughts is the key to happiness. What do I mean here? How many times have we felt really happy and then a chorus of downer thoughts–I call them The Worry Chorus–starts singing? Their music and lyrics pull our attention away from the moment. One minute, we’re working on our life paths, right? Smack dab in our bliss. Then their intro begins, But is it all going to work out? And they just keep singing one verse after another about why not. It’s not good enough. People won’t like it. You won’t be able to do it. Blah-blah-blah.

Stop!

When the Worry Chorus starts singing, I have to take a moment and recall why I felt happy in the first place. Invite The Happy Chorus back in. Allow them to take center stage and keep them at the forefront of my mind–consistently.

Every great athlete talks about mental focus, but this isn’t needed only for a football game. No, we need that mental focus to be consistent in maintaining our Happy Thoughts.

One of my favorite stories is Peter Pan. As we all know, the only way Wendy, Michael, and John can fly to Neverland is to think a Happy Thought. We can all fly (a metaphor for doing the impossible) when we maintain Happy Thoughts.

Let’s kick The Worry Chorus to the curb and let The Happy Chorus be our headliner. We truly can fly.

A week has gone by in this new life. And the truth is clear. When you’re living in your bliss, your happiness knows no bounds.

We’ve all heard people living their dreams say this or read books about characters who discover this, but for me, until I experienced it, I couldn’t take it fully in. I’d had glimpses. While writing my novel, time disappeared. I didn’t mind losing track of it. Or a sister would call me while I was writing and say, “Wow, you sound so happy.”

Now imagine living that day in and day out.

Does it sound cool? Well, it is.

A few years ago, a wise woman told me that when we’re fulfilling our life’s purpose–our true calling, the one burning deep inside us–we don’t feel the same about our duties and obligations. It isn’t like, poof, no duties and obligations anymore, but something magical happens. When we’re choosing them, we feel differently. Remember Blog 1–happiness is a choice.

When we’re living in our bliss, the life-draining distractions fall away. How many times have we heard people say they’re only happy when they’re home–and not at “the job?” Boy, can I resonate with that, doing what people tell you to do, jumping when they call, even traveling when and where they tell you. We’ve all experienced it.

But there’s so much more out there for all of us. And as I experience this myself and learn all these new truths in a new way, I wish it for all of you as well. Here’s to all our bliss, however it shows up for each of us.

Kicking off my first blog post today seems fitting since I made a major decision regarding my own happiness. I quit my job and left a successful career to pursue a new one in writing full-time. Friends have called it following my dreams and commented it’s a pretty brave, bold move. They are right. But mostly, it boils down to one thing:

Happiness is a choice.

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