Happiness is the Power of No

Are you surprised that the word “no” has power? Would it amaze you to know that using the word “no” can sometimes be positive? 

I wasn’t raised to think that way, but it’s something I have learned over time.  I heard Oprah say recently on one of her programs that she only does what she intends to do now. That implies saying no to things she doesn’t want to do. This is hard for some of us, especially women since we want to get along with people and not raise too many waves. As humans, we all want to be liked and included. And “no” can sometimes surprise people. 

Some time back, a wise woman told me that I should remove all of the “I shoulds” in my life.  When I tallied up all of the things I thought I should do in my life, I was pretty amazed. I was spending a lot of time doing things that I did not want to do. I was afraid to say no. It took some time, but slowly I cut out all of the “I shoulds” in my life, and something miraculous happened. I became happier.

This incredible secret can be seen in young children. What is a common first word in kids? “No.” That’s right. Kids know when someone is trying to make them do something they don’t want to do or stopping them from doing what they truly want to do. That’s why they say “no.” They know who they are and what they need. At that age, they feel loved enough by parents and teachers and classmates in daycare to say it without hesitation. They don’t question being loved and accepted.  And yet, over time, that changes. We grow up. We’re told what “the rules are,” and we stop saying “no” as much as we used to. We start doing things to confirm, and lower our happiness ratio.

The power of no is a key ingredient to happiness. From its highest place–from our internal truth–it can serve as a change agent in ourselves and our relationships. There might be some initial surprise from all of the people expecting and benefiting from our “I shoulds,” but it’s worth the process. And sometimes it takes a while, so be patient with yourself and others.

Cultivating the power of no is a maturation process. It’s actualizing the knowledge of what we truly need and not being afraid to say it, even when it may not be received well. You know you have the full Power of No when you have total peace saying it. It takes some time to have that power, but it’s worth the process.

So be nice to yourself. Cut out all of the “I shoulds” and do only what you intend to do. Say no to the rest. I promise you will find a happiness you might have never expected. 

 Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net