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Happiness Is Simplicity

Blog, Inspiration November 15, 2013

Perhaps it’s the hustle and bustle of the approaching holidays or the fact that life has seemed complicated lately, but I was finally reminded of a wonderful truth: happiness is simplicity.

Without all the clutter in our minds, in our lives, in our houses, there’s a simplicity that makes us happy. It’s easier to tend to less. It’s easier to nurture ourselves without all the extra in the way.

So today, I’m going to keep it simple and say what has made me happy recently. The simple things.

Watching the near full moon rise on this cold autumn night over the tree above as I write this.

Brushing down a black horse called Midnight today and just letting her nuzzle me.

Sitting with my new manuscript in a cafe and falling in love with the characters again.

Having a little boy tell me to tell his mommy to come find him.

Hearing the leaves rustle as I walked in the woods.

Laying on the grass in the sun on this warm autumn day.

What about you? Where’s the simplicity in your life? I’ll bet if you get right down to it, it makes you pretty happy too.

Image courtesy of dan at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Happiness is Moments of Grace

Blog, Transformation November 8, 2013

This week I had to run an errand to a shop I frequent locally. I hadn’t been in a while, so it’s always nice to see the owner. Usually I’m in and out in about fifteen minutes, but I was guided to ask about her husband, whom she hadn’t said anything about. She ended up telling me his cancer was back severely and that he couldn’t work. He was at home right now, barely able to get out of bed. Things aren’t looking very positive, and no surprise, she’s worried about him. About her family. About being a new small business owner on one income. About her kids.

We ended up talking another thirty minutes. She cried, and I held her. And for that moment, there was healing. She felt lighter and was smiling when I left. Really smiling. Something she hadn’t been doing a lot of.

What normally had been a regular visit turned into a moment of grace. And that’s what I want to talk about today.

There is happiness in a moment of grace just like this one. What the secret? I looked at her and asked about how her life really was. Not the whole shallow exchange we experience so often in our interactions. “How are you doing?” we ask people we come into contact with all the time. The expected response, “fine,” just comes out, and we continue on our merry way none the wiser.

The truth is that there are a lot of people who aren’t fine. People who have husbands with Stage 4 cancer or spouses out of work. People who are desperately trying to get pregnant, and so far haven’t. People who have gotten divorced and are afraid to go out on that first date again like Meredith Hale in NORA ROBERTS LAND.

How often do we really look beyond the pat answer of “fine” and really give a person permission to truly tell us what’s really going on in their life?

I was raised to say “grace” before a meal, and to me grace is gratitude, but it’s also that special support we receive from something beyond ourselves to do something extraordinary. My blessing came with this woman. I don’t know her well, but in that moment, it didn’t matter. She needed someone to express her hurts and fears to–like we all do–and I gave her permission to do that. Haven’t we all been hurt and afraid?

So as we go about this upcoming holiday season of gratitude and giving, I’m going to go deeper. I’m going to be more open to these moments of grace, knowing it helps others and also makes me feel happy that for a moment I connected with someone in their deepest self and they felt heard, seen, understood. And were able to smile easier because of it.

What about you? Are you ready to invite in more moments of grace?

Happiness is Baking for the Holidays

Blog, Cooking November 1, 2013

I couldn’t be happier to share something a little new this week at The Happiness Corner. I’m a part of a Hungry Hearts Holiday blog hop where we’re sharing a recipe for each other upcoming holidays (Thanksgiving is up first, then Christmas, then New Years). As you know, I used to be a chef, still love to eat and cook, and sometimes write about it (can we say FRENCH ROAST and THE HOLIDAY SERENADE?).

Here’s what it’s all about. There’s even a grand prize, so keep reading so you can enter. After that, I’m going to tell you why the Thanksgiving recipe I chose makes me so happy. There’s a really special memory associated with it that I’ve never shared before.

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Now onto the recipe…

So, my favorite Thanksgiving recipe is Toffee-Crusted Apple Pie. Our friend, Rita Patocka, made this pie for us when I was probably eight or nine years old, and since then, I don’t like apple pie any other way. It only has a bottom crust, and the top is all crispy and toffee-like, creating a unique texture. I usually make this pie as one of our many pies for Thanksgiving (with six kids in my family plus in-laws and kids, we have quite a crew).

This pie holds a special memory for me. When I was in graduate school, I was part of an international program at Notre Dame University in which there were only three Americans. I lived with people from all over the world during that time, and part of the program was to host a meal to share their culture with everyone else (I ate some great food that year). Well, I picked Thanksgiving. What could be more American than that?

No one in my program could go home since it was too expensive to travel to places like Egypt or Cambodia for the holiday. My big family drove the ten hours to come and spend it with us. That’s my five brothers and sisters and parents. They brought the party to us. My mom brought food, and I cooked for three days at a professor’s house, our host.

Sharing our American Thanksgiving tradition with people from other countries was truly special because I saw the holiday in a different way. Not many countries have something like this. This is a holiday of gratitude, and you know how I feel about that. It’s the pathway to happiness.

Everyone loved me talking about how Thanksgiving started (yes, I talked about the Pilgrims and the Native Americans), but more importantly, I talked about what it means for me. That this holiday is about the three Fs: food, family, and football. A couple sisters would add Black Friday shopping, but I’m not the dire-hard they are. Every year at our holiday table, we all take turns telling each other what we’re grateful for this past year. When I sit down this year, I’m going to have a lot to say: leaving an old career to become a full-time writer, connecting with so many readers and writers, being blessed to have four books out so far this year (five in December), and just the knowledge that I am serving my highest purpose here on earth. What could make you happier? Well, a hunky hero, of course. J But I digress.

This Thanksgiving, I hope you give this recipe a try, but more importantly, my wish for you is a place in the Happiness Corner, filled with gratitude, wherever that is for you.

From my heart to yours.

Blessings and light,

Ava

And now, here’s the awesome recipe. Enjoy!

Toffee-Crusted Apple Pie

1 crust for the bottom (you can buy a prepared crust or make one from scratch). Here’s our family recipe.

Pie Crust

2 c. flour

½ tsp. salt

1 c. regular or butter Crisco

¼ c. cold ice water (we put ¼ in a 1 c. measuring cup and add ice to it)

Mix until incorporated (not too much, but just until it comes together). Then roll out onto a floured surface into a circle. Lay into the pie plate and flute the edges by pinching the dough on the top and sides between your two index fingers.

Apple Mixture

6-7 cups thinly sliced, peeled apples (enough to fill a pie plate and be heaping)—I use Granny Smith because I like a tart pie, but you can use a combination of apple types for more balance. Experiment. See what you like. That’s my favorite part of cooking.

¾ c. sugar

2 Tb. flour

¾ tsp. ground cinnamon

1 Tb. lemon juice (fresh is best)

Mix all the ingredients in a bowl until flour is incorporated, and the mixture is thickened. Place in the uncooked crust.

Toffee Topping

1 c. flour

½ c. softened butter

½ c. sugar

Mix with a pastry wheel or a fork until crumbly and place on the top of the apples.

Bake at 425 degrees for 15 minutes, and then lower the temperature to 350 degrees and bake for another 35-40 minutes. Check the top of the pie, and if browning too much toward the end, cover with aluminum foil. You will know the pie is done when it bubbles. I serve with vanilla ice cream or this new fabulous sea salt caramel type I can get at our local Giant. See what works best, but most of all, have fun!

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Happiness is Support

Blog, Inspiration October 25, 2013

Well, it’s good to be blogging on The Happiness Corner again after being unable to last week. I caught a bad fall cold and was down for the count. And that’s what I want to talk about today. Support. Support that makes us happy.

I was guided to call a friend of mine to see if she had a homeopathic remedy for a cold. I have my own, but reached out to her. She actually had two for me. One involved some paste with essential oils in it. She offered to make me some and bring it by. I was deeply touched by this because she’s busy like the rest of us. Plus, I was sick.

She met me at the door, her three kids in the mini-van out front. And I found that bubble of happiness peek through even the worst of the cold. Here she was, supporting me. When I wasn’t at my best. When it wasn’t the happy-g0-lucky me. When I needed her.

Reaching out to others is hard for some of us. I had to laugh, but even as I downloaded the photo for this blog (the heart), the code I had to enter was “Go It Alone.” Why do we feel so compelled to do that? And why do we judge people sometimes for breaking that code?

One of my favorite moments in FRENCH ROAST was when Jill Hale got up to help Peggy McBride make dinner for her son. She had this moment of disorientation, so used to doing it all by herself as a single mom. Then she remembered to say thank you.

Sometimes that’s all we need to do.

Independence can be a good thing. We do need to be able to do some things on our own, and it’s a valuable piece of our evolution. But we’re also interconnected. People are all around us, having their moments in life, catching colds, whatever. I had to tell myself there was nothing wrong with reaching out.

And do you know what? I realized it again: being supported makes me happy. I like knowing I have people I can depend on. And having my friend show up like she did with this paste, her three kids yelling in the car, well it was its own remedy.

So, let’s all try and remember that it’s okay to ask for help. To receive other people’s support. We don’t have to go it alone. We can choose our moments of connection.

With that kind of happiness available, we’re all better off reaching out when we need it.

Image courtesy of samuiblue at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Happiness is Acknowledgment

Blog, Transformation October 11, 2013

Okay, I know you’re going to say, well, it’s a trap to attach our happiness to acknowledgement, and I agree. But we also live and work in community. Unless we’re off living in a cave, we have relationships. We’re on social media, exchanging snippets about our lives, what we value, how we have fun, what we’re about.

This week something rather spectacular happened. I didn’t seek it out. It just happened. What I call spontaneous abundance. My first two books in The Dare Valley series, NORA ROBERTS LAND and FRENCH ROAST, were included in an ad that Amazon put out with books by Nora Roberts, Susan Anderson, JoAnn Ross, and lastly Carly Phillips. Remember that last name. I’ll come back to her later.

Let me talk a little about one of the best lessons my mom ever imparted to us six kids about acknowledgement. She said over and over again that you acknowledge the person who’s cleaning the bathroom at school with the same grace and respect as the president of the United States (or someone else big; pick your person). Each of us is special in our own right. And for me and my house, this is a motto to embody.

Consider the flip side for a moment. When I came to Washington DC out of graduate school, I experienced the opposite of being acknowledged as a person. DC, for all its positives, is an ambitious town, and lots of people only want to be around people who can “get them someplace.” This has never resonated with me, and thankfully I was able to be successful here because I went counter-culture, and people really liked that. It was like a light house in a foggy night.

On one such night in DC early on, I had a rather humorous experience, and if I wasn’t more grounded, it might have hurt my feelings. I came to DC after winning a fellowship to work on international elections. Sometimes you don’t realize how big a deal something is until you arrive. Well, I arrived and am told they were going to honor me in a banquet. I was like, wow! Really? Okay. The banquet was set in a posh club even the TV show Scandal would use as a setting. I was 23 years old, mind you, and this was the biggest event I’d gone to.

I bought the best dress I could afford because I could make more money working at McDonalds than at this fellowship (as my accountant cousin pointed out). When I stepped into the swank club, my senses were awash. Honeyed wood. Tiffany glass. Thousand dollar suits. Silk ties in patriotic colors. And the smell of money and power thick in the air. People glanced at me as I mingled and then past me, dismissing me. I didn’t know a soul, but I’m pretty outgoing. I tried to engage people, but no one was biting.

Then the comedy began. The “important” people started handing me their coats since I was standing on the outside watching it all now, assuming I worked at the club or was an intern or something. In sum, they treated me poorly. When the president of the organization announced it was time for the sit-down dinner, I made my way in and was ushered to the head table by him. The man I sat next to had been the last prime minister of Canada, and he was just one luminary at the table. It was all of these “established” people and me. I was younger by thirty years easily and one of the only woman not a wife. I watched in total fascination as the people who’d handed me their coats winced and shifted in their seats, seeing me there. As the people who’d brushed me off when I’d tried to engage them in conversation had their mouths drop open slightly.

Well you know where this is going, right? After dinner, there was a stampede by those same people to meet me and joke about thinking I had been an intern. I felt like few were genuinely sorry they had treated me poorly, and from that moment on in DC, I was always aware of this real negative in various circles.

I’m now in a new career, and even I can see how there’s a distinction between the published authors and not-yet-published authors; from the New York Times bestsellers and the published authors; and the traditionally published and the independently published authors. I’ve seen some of this “looking past people” at conferences, at publishing parties, even at local workshops.

So this makes it even more special when I share my absolute joy over this Amazon ad (to me a divine blessing) on my Facebook page this week, and because someone on my page, links in Carly Phillips, she actually shows up and comments. Says “congrats.” That act is what my mom was talking about. That’s grace and class and human respect. And I’m grateful for it. It’s the way I live my life, and it’s always so wonderful to see it in other people. So thank you, Carly Phillips, for acknowledging me. For showing me there are people in this new career of mine–and in life–who feel and act the same as I do. For acknowledging me in this new career, and not just handing me your coat or ignoring me.

You made me happy. Because I was seen.

And isn’t that deep down what we all want in life?

Image courtesy of stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Happiness is Rest

Blog, Transformation October 4, 2013

Have you ever wondered why we exhaust ourselves? Why we push ourselves so hard? We see this in so many characters in fiction. They have to reach burnout before they’re willing to make a change.

Why can’t we rest? Why is it always go-go-go?

I’ve been asking myself that a lot lately. And trying to make changes. For some reason, I am less happy when I am tired. Shocking? Not really.

One thing I have discovered about working for myself is that since it’s my bliss (and my dream), it’s easy to tell myself that I want to work more on it. Truthfully, when I first quit my old career, I had moments when I would be working at 11:30 pm and be like, wow, I’m working REAL late, but it’s my stuff. Happy dance. I told myself the same thing when I worked over the next weekend. And the next. And still another.

The truth is we can probably never get to a place where there’s no more to do. Isn’t there always something around the corner? Another person to tend to, another blog post (hah!), another errand, another dish that needs to be washed?

So this week, I decided to stop. Rest. I hung up my beautiful hand-woven hammock that I lugged back from Guatemala and just hung out. I didn’t have the same view as the woman in the picture, but frankly, a view of my garden and my home and the sky was enough.

I just rested.

And I felt my happiness quickly restore. Soon it was easy to smile when I heard the kids in the adjoining yard yelling and playing. My mouth would tip up when I read a funny passage in the book I decided to indulge in.

The body said, yes, thank you. And my spirit said, more of this. Please.

So if you’re feeling less than happy, ask yourself a simple question: do I feel rested?

The answer to your happiness might be as simple as that.

Image courtesy of savit keawtavee at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Path to Happiness: Truth

Blog, Transformation September 27, 2013

Well, I’ve been talking a lot about what happiness is, and after this week, I want to talk about an essential ingredient to getting there.

Truth.

You HAVE to be honest about where you are and how you feel. About life. About yourself. About your friends. About your career.

Everything.

This week, one of my best friends found out that a serious medical issue is back for her. And I have to tell you that happiness has been the farthest thing from my mind these past days. I love her. I root for her. And she does the same for me. She’s embraced my new life and reads my books–even though she’s never read a romance–and just continues to be the shining light that she is.

So this news hurt. Bad.

And I had to be honest with myself about it. I couldn’t talk myself into saying, “Oh, I feel happy today.” That wasn’t my truth. I had to admit it hurt and then work with what I was feeling in order to have the peace, faith, and hope that we can find in any situation if we search for it.

I don’t want The Happiness Corner Blog to ever be a Pollyanna version of life. I do believe happiness is possible and a gift. But I also wanted to say today that sometimes life really throws us a curve ball, and it hurts like hell. And makes you mad. We’ve all been there.

Admit it. Be honest. Speak the truth.

If we don’t, we can’t move through it to the good stuff: the momentary happiness we can feel in the tough times. Like today when I held the one-month-old baby boy of a dear friend. Here’s this little guy all tucked up against me, looking at me with those big brown eyes, and I thought, yes, there is blessing everywhere. Everything is in order, even if I don’t understand it right now.

So, when you aren’t happy, be truthful with yourself and others. Hopefully you know why. If you’re really aware, you’ll know what to do for yourself. If not, seek out the happy people in your life and ask them what they do when life throws them a curve ball. Some people play with their kids. Others eat ice cream (I’m not talking about a binge here). While still another might read a book.

Be good to yourself in those moments. Your happiness is not lost.

Your truth will always show you the way to it again.

Image courtesy of winnond at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Happiness is a Little Boy’s Play Date Request

Blog, Inspiration September 20, 2013

I’m sitting near the fence between my neighbor’s yard and mine. Blocking the sun from shining harshly on me is the tree my neighbor’s 5-year-old climbs to come and play with me.

Some of the happiest times ever.

I’ve known him since he was a baby, and given my fondness for kids as the oldest of six children, I always played with him whenever I saw him. But then one day, I was in the kitchen and heard him calling my name. I looked out and saw him sitting on our fence. I went outside, and he immediately smiled and yelled, “Hi! I climbed the tree now. See. Can I come play at your house?”

That started a string of spontaneous interactions. He’d climb the tree, call my name, and ask to come over. After making sure his mother knew, he would come over, and we’d have our fun. Watching clouds and telling each other what we saw. He would see an angel. I would see a dragon. We’d lay on the blanket in the sun, and he’d just roll next to me and hug me. Magic. Happiness.

I haven’t seen him as much lately since he’s been going to school, and well, I was releasing three books in three months.

This little boy’s mother just told me something special this week. She said her son really loved me, and he didn’t take a shine to a lot of people. He was really unhappy, she said, and she didn’t know why. I had been seeing that in the last six months too, and it made me sad.

I told her I’d be delighted to have a play date with him. I thought maybe I could help him work through whatever was making him unhappy while simply being present with him and playing with him. He in turn could help me be more playful and have a little more spontaneous fun. I mean, my girlfriends and I don’t lay on blankets in the sun and talk about what shapes we see in the clouds. We have a glass of wine over a nice meal and talk about men, children, career, and our continued self discovery.

I have a little boy in my Dare Valley series named Keith who reminds me a lot of my neighbor boy. He’s 7-years-old, and maybe unconsciously I based a little of him after the boy behind my house. They both possess that same childlike wonder at the world, playing imaginary games and dressing up like sheriffs or Batman. They are wise beyond their years at times and feeling their way through the world, which sometimes feels a bit rough to them.

I admire these little boys–real and fiction–because they teach me so much and make me so happy.

When’s the last time you had a kid make your day by seeing the gift in you? And when was the last time you realized a kid was teaching you something?

Image courtesy of Tina Phillips at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Happiness is Spontaneous Abundance!

Blog, Inspiration September 13, 2013

One of my best friends and writing pals invited me out to spend the day with her. We brainstormed and chatted the day away. One thing we didn’t do was turn on our computers and write, but it’s funny how showing up and being present can give you something unexpected.

Spontaneous abundance!

What do I mean? We were supposed to go to dinner by ourselves, but her husband had come home from a trip a couple of days early, and asked if he could join us. I decided to be open and say yes. It could be fun. Well, my friend mentions something, which gives me this thought about him being a source for some book research I have been struggling to find.

And pretty soon, it becomes obvious he’s the perfect source for the information I need. I mean, it’s like he’s tailor made for it.

I didn’t expect him to be. And if I hadn’t been open, and listening, I might have missed out on this spontaneous abundance. Well, it was more like an avalanche of abundance. I turned on my iPhone recorder after he’d been talking for a couple of minutes and kept listening to him talk. Then I would ask him more questions.

It was only about thirty minutes later that he finally asked why I was asking him these “probing” questions. I told him. He’s married to a writer, you know.

What’s incredible is that I pretty much won’t need to do anymore research. It’s done. That conversation, and the research I’d done earlier, is all I need. And I’m just about ready to start this manuscript.

Spontaneous abundance can show up anywhere for us, but it takes being open to things happening in ways we didn’t expect. It takes being open to having someone join you for dinner that you didn’t expect and say, oh, hey, I’m going to be open and let this addition be fun.

That’s where the magic happens. We don’t always know who holds the answers to the questions we have.

So, are you open to spontaneous abundance showing up in your life and surprising you? Give it a chance. Stand back. And be amazed!

Image courtesy of Evgeni Dinev at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Happiness is Change

Blog, Transformation September 6, 2013

There’s change in the air. Can you feel it in the cooler air? See it in the slight change of leaves from green to gold and red? It’s just beginning. The darkness is covering the evening earlier than usual, cutting our evening walks short.

Change.

For me, it’s happiness. Something new is coming about, even if I’ve experienced it before (like fall), it’s never quite the same. With change, we don’t always know where it will take us. Like the leaf in the photo, we cascade with the flow of our lives and are swept away to new shores.

This can produce fear at times, right? We don’t always feel happy about change, but perhaps it would be useful to start feeling that way. The promise of something better is here. We aren’t in the same place anymore. We aren’t the same person anymore.

Everything is changing.

And with that, happiness abounds.

We see this all the time in novels or films, right? Something has to change in order to make way for the happy ending. A resolution to what we’ve been grappling with can only occur when there’s a magical shift inside us or around us.

I love the fall because it’s the sign of yet another change. Our bodies start craving comfort food like soups and stews. We want to huddle at home on the couch with our sweetheart or play with our kids. We come back to ourselves after all of the expansion of the spring and summer months. We come back to our center.

And with it, our happiness abounds.

So let’s all allow the happiness of change to enliven us as we see the leaves change, bringing that brilliant fall color.

I am ready for brilliant color in my life–even when it comes from change. What about you?

Image courtesy of nirots at FreeDigitalPhotos.net