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There have been times in my life when I felt stuck or disillusioned. One of the best antidotes I’ve found to this problem is to change things up. Do things differently.

This past US holiday of Thanksgiving, I journeyed to Paris. I’ve never been away from my family of origin for the holidays, but my siblings decided to make Christmas our main gathering time this year. Instead of staying home and doing something less than inspired, I asked myself what would be the most fun thing I could do for the holiday. The answer was clear. Go to Paris.

I love Paris. There’s a magic there, a beauty both grandiose and simple if you pay attention. Of course, the food boggles this chef’s mind, and I savored many of their finest delicacies.

But there was a reckoning as well, one I had planted the seeds some time past. A number of years ago, I was headed to Paris and working on my first novel, Nora Roberts Land. I was in the process of trying to be published, so I brought the manuscript to a magical location once frequented by great authors like Ernest Hemingway and F. Scott Fitzgerald: Brasserie Lipp. With reverence, I rested my manuscript on the table, and at times during a break in courses, I would read from the novel to my companion. And dreamed about being published. I noticed an empty table in a prime location in the restaurant, and my heart told me it was Hemingway’s table.

When I asked the maître d about the table, he confirmed my feeling. I told him about my novel and asked if we could sit at that table for dessert. He said it was reserved for special guests only, but that when I got published, I could sit at Hemingway’s table for a drink.

On this trip, a cool Friday night, I dressed to the nines and headed out with my companion to Brasserie Lipp carrying my newest novel. I’ve published thirteen titles including NORA ROBERTS LAND, and it wasn’t hard to see how far I’d come as a writer since I’d crossed the hallowed threshold of this special place a while back.

When I asked to see the maitre d, he was kind to me. Of course, he didn’t remember our conversation, but he immediately showed us to Hemingway’s table after hearing my story and seeing the published book in my hands. We had champagne and toasted how far I’ve come. I smiled from ear-to-ear. I cried too, thinking about all of the challenges I had surmounted to reach this beautiful moment. And I was in awe too because I could feel Hemingway’s spirit shining down on another writer who’s picked up the magical mantle of words. Even better, when we asked about having dinner, the maître d said we didn’t have to move anywhere. We could eat at Hemingway’s table. Talk about abundance.

Happiness is doing things differently. Big time.

Doing things differently has led me to nearly every wonderful change in my life. This trip was no exception. And it confirmed the other thing I have learned, which was hard to overcome as a young woman: Ask for what you want. Always.

You might just be surprised by how easily you get it.

There’s been a slew of good news surrounding me lately. My one sister landed a major piece of her dream this week. A best friend has decided to get married. Joy abounds.

Happiness is celebrating other people’s joy.

I’ve had my own great news lately, and the one thing that surprised me is that not everyone can fully celebrate my joy sometimes. They feel sad or conflicted about it. It’s been interesting to witness. Of course, I’ve been there too. Someone had something happen to them that I wanted to have happen to me. I was happy for them, but there was the whole “me” piece that prevented a total celebration.

What’s up with that anyway? Are we so focused on ourselves that we can’t get out of our own way to fully support a close one’s new joy?

I’m happy to see how much of a shift I’ve experienced because I don’t feel any of that “me” stuff with these two people. I only feel joy. Yeah. I know and trust good things are coming my way, so I don’t have to feel any lack in this situation.

What about you? When someone shares exciting news with you, are you able to celebrate fully with them? Or is there some part of you holding back because you’re feeling bad about your own space?

We need to be real about how we feel. I’m not saying we deny it. What I am saying is that when we feel this lack we need to ask ourselves why and delve into it so we can clear it from our lives.

Happiness flourishes so much easier that way.

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What do we do when we find ourselves and our lives mirroring the season of fall by dying back so new life can emerge this spring? My circle and I seem to be in this cycle right now, and at times, while the knowledge of growth is exciting, the process doesn’t always feel that happy.

With this process facing me and mine, I decided to make another choice. To do as much as I could to surround myself with the things that make me happy as it unfolds. Be present with it, yes, but not wallow in it.

An interesting analogy popped into my mind as I was thinking about it all. I am a writer, you know. We often decorate our homes around this time of year with things that have or were dying away in nature. The pine combs and fall leaves that fall from the trees going dormant become artful centerpieces for our holiday tables. The holly tree outside my house provides beautiful branches for a festive wreath.

Happiness is Repackaging.

Do we look at the gorgeous fall leaves and get all depressed, thinking about that color being a symbol of their impending death? No. We stand in wonder at their glory.

We too are glorious during these cycles. It’s just sometimes harder for us to see because…well, the dying back, the changing of our inner selves, hurts sometimes. We have to fall off the tree.

But we can forge a new path with it all and do our best to be present with the changes and feelings while also repackaging how we think about the whole process.

I won’t kid a kidder. There are times in our lives when we’re not dancing for joy, when happiness feels elusive, when we’re flat out hurting. It’s part of being human.

Yet there are things we can do for ourselves to try and lift us back up, people we can be around who support us.

Repackage these moments. I expect you will find pockets of happiness. Even better, I hope you will break through to greater happiness soon—like I plan to do.

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Sometimes we make it harder than it needs to be. We over-think it.

But not today. Not in this moment.

What makes you happy?

Come on, think of just three little things.

Mine?

Writing, Dancing, Cooking.

Okay, now join me. Just do it. Pick a few to have fun with this next week and see how happy you end up becoming.

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Are there things in your life you feel like you’ve been waiting for? Working toward? Striving for?

If so, well, I hear you. I have a list of those things too. And I’m tired of it. Tired of thinking I have to wait, work more, strive harder.

Happiness is Saying Now.

I am ready for them. I want them. I deserve them. Now.

I’m done waiting. I’m done trying to earn them. It’s time for them to magically show up.

I had lunch with another writer friend recently, and she said something that really sparked a truth in me. When we were discussing the growth of my books, she said I had decided to be successful and that’s why it happened. And she’s right.

I didn’t leave my old career thinking this wouldn’t work out. Of course, I had fear and bad days and it took some time for things to grow for sure. Sometimes I did wonder what was going to happen. But I never once stopped saying I was going to do what I was doing—no matter what. I was willing to sell my house and find a smaller place. Pick up consulting work from the old career. I wasn’t going to stop being a writer and writing books.

I have a couple of things on my outstanding list I have selected. For the past few weeks, I have been saying Now. I am ready. I’m going to have this no matter what.

What’s on your list?

Join me. Pick a couple of things and really set the intention with me to receive it now. Leave aside how it will show up or in what form. Then open your arms to receive.

We deserve it.

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Enlightenment can come anywhere. I am always open to it showing up either in the most obvious places, the most mundane, or the most unexpected.

It showed up in a paragraph in a historical romance novel by Sherry Thomas, my new Iris Johansen. Her book, Not Quite A Husband, is an excellent read and one I re-read often late at night.

The hero says he’s going to trust the heroine in the pivotal moment of decision in the book. And it hit me. That aha moment we all crave.

Trust is a choice.

Just like happiness.

The two choices seemed to merge like the strands of a double helix. If you trust, you’re happy. If you’re happy, you trust.

Voila.

Trust is territory I am still gaining headway in after some disappointments and betrayals. You probably have your own. Instead of saying, “I want to trust,” I’m going to say, “I trust.” Period.

How are you with trust? Is it easy for you?

Join me today. Make the choice. Trust.

Let’s all be happy.

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Six years ago when I decided my entire life needed to head in a new direction due to some chronic physical injuries and overall unhappiness in my life, I was guided by someone I trusted to a wise woman. In one of our first meetings, she asked me this earth-shattering question:

Can you imagine living your life and not caring what anyone thought about you?

My immediate response after my stunned shock was: “No, but I really, really want that life.”

That day I set the intention to start letting go of approval from others. I said I had no idea what it looked like or how it could happen, but I knew the help would come to show me how to do it.  I’ve been really happy I made this choice even though there are still times when I can feel I’m back in approval-seeking mode with my family (this pattern seems to be the hardest one to break for me and my closest confidants), my friends, colleagues, readers, and heck, even sometimes new people I meet.

What I realized is that I am hurt when I don’t feel like people “approve” of me because it means they don’t love me or like me—that some part of me is either unwanted or not valued. That I am somehow wrong.

This approval stuff is some of the toughest transformational groundwork we can find ourselves in. Honestly, I don’t know that I was even aware I was participating in all of the approval-seeking madness until six years ago when I heard that pivotal question. I just thought “this is the way things worked.” The pattern was straightforward: I do X like this person wanted, and I get back what I thought I needed (love and approval).

What a trap.

Happiness is letting go of approval.

Now, I won’t BS this one. It’s hard. We’re conditioned at such a young age by this. We’re told we’re a “good girl” or “big girl” when we do something right according to X person and a “bad girl” or “baby” when we do something X doesn’t like. Flip the pronouns if you’re a guy (I know you get this stuff too).

We can’t escape other people having judgments of us, but we can free ourselves from them. How do I do this? Well, first I have to realize it’s happening. Okay, here I am again, being hurt and upset or trying to jump through hoops because I want someone’s approval or they don’t approve of me, and I’m trying to earn it. Then I have to be willing to release my need for it. To tell myself, there is NOTHING wrong with me. I am whole and complete as I am regardless of what they say or think of me.

Sound hard? It is. But perhaps if we all join together to free ourselves more, it will become easier. We can laugh in the face of a nasty book review by someone who didn’t get the message. We can stay at peace when a coworker or boss takes us to task. We can still love ourselves and know we have worth when a family member tries to shame us for behavior they don’t approve of.

You have worth. I have worth.

Don’t let anyone else tell you differently.

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