Ava Miles

International Bestselling Author

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Happiness is Stillness

Blog, Inspiration

Stillness 7-11-14Last week I decided to head to a special spot in the mountains to reflect on this last year after releasing my first novel, NORA ROBERTS LAND.

It was the first time I had been off email and social media in over fourteen months, and I fretted about that even though scheduled Facebook posts work just fine as does an out-of-the-office email message.

No phone. No TV. No music.

Just stillness.

There’s an itchy feeling at first, going into that much silence, that much stillness, until you realize nature is never still, never silent. It has rhythms all its own. You begin to hear new sounds, ones your ears have been deaf to with all the busyness and chatter going on: the way the leaves rustle with the wind, how the fire crackles and dances in the fire pit, and how rain thunders on the earth as the skies open.

Life doesn’t stop. But it does slow down, but only because I have.

Happiness is stillness.

From my screened porch, it was like I was nestled in a tree house on top of the mountain. The first day an entire rainbow stretched across the sky, a powerful sign if there ever was one.

I rested. I reflected. I read. I just sat and listened.

I have to work hard to counter my own hard work ethic sometimes. Taking off for four days and doing nothing? Especially when I have a million things to do? Well, it’s amazing what can happen. I hadn’t planned to think about anything book-related but my next three novels simply unfolded like maps rolled out before you begin an adventure. This happened without any prompting, and the characters talked non-stop in my head. My suggestion for anyone who has writer’s block: stop trying and get away. The story will come to you in the stillness.

When you open to the stillness, you are receptive to what wants to come and find you, to tell you what you need, what you have been longing for.

We all seem to be drawn into leading such busy lives, running from moment to moment, rarely being still.

And yet in the stillness, I found my greatest happiness. I just was, and that was more than enough.

Take some time off of your own in a special place. You might be surprised what you discover.

 

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Happiness is Lightning Strikes

Blog, Inspiration

Lightning 6-26-14Over lunch with an old friend today, I was describing the ebb and flow of lighting striking in my life this past year. You know, those times when everything seems to be brimming over like a glass stuck joyfully into a champagne fountain at a wedding.

But this isn’t always so in life, and this year, after walking away from a successful career and a nice, steady paycheck with benefits to launch myself as an author, there have been some low moments. The kind where you just pray and pray things will work out.

My friend understands this better than most of the rest of the people in my circle. He’s a business owner too after leaving his corporate job to venture out on his own. And he’s made it despite the highs and the lows.

These past few months I have had unexpected gifts show up like lightning. Now I love lightning. I think if it struck the tree right in front of me, I would say, “Cool.” Lightning can also illuminate a dark night like no other so we can see the thunderous clouds rumbling with all their potency. Anytime I see those amazing bolts, I am always in awe, marveling at their beauty.

And that’s how I’ve felt about these unexpected gifts. The two I wanted to highlight have arrived to support me as an author. Kristen literally arrived like lightening in the sky, and I am so grateful we have found each other. Now Ian…well, he arrived like that too, as a surprise guest at a conference I hadn’t been planning to attend, and now he’s given me what I’ll call a bushel of magical apples, only the good kind.

I must in all truth admit that it’s still a little shocking even to me—someone who totally believes in supporting other people—that others would step forward and support me like these two have. Like lightning.

Happiness is unexpected gifts.

None of us build and live our dreams alone. For every person who helps me build and live mine…well, my heart simply overflows with gratitude.

Our dreams are precious treasure. Many of us don’t ever allow those gems to come into the light, fearing rejection, poverty, or doubting our own abilities to operationalize such a dream into reality.

My Dream Helpers delight me, and I am deeply grateful to Kristen and Ian for supporting me as an author.

Who might help you make your dreams come true? Keep a look out. Someone special just might be coming ‘round the bend.

 

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Happiness is Saying, “Boo!”

Blog, Inspiration

Say Boo 6-20-14On a recent trip, I traveled back to the town where I went to high school. I even saw one of my best friends that I met had there, and it’s a joy to realize how long we’ve been friends now.

One of my favorite characters in my Dare Valley series, Rhett Butler Blaylock, has this wonderful phrase about saying “boo to the ghost.” The ghost is whatever stuff in our past that still hurts us or in a conscious or unconscious way defines us.

My high school years were terrible frankly, filled with isolation, hard work, pressure, and outright ridicule at times. When I hear people say they’d love to repeat high school, I usually ask: where in the world did they go to school and are they telling the truth? If that person really had a great experience, then wonderful for him or her. I am so glad to hear someone enjoyed those four years. I didn’t.

My sister was with me when we “accidentally” turned on the street to our high school, and I looked at her and essentially said, “It’s time to say boo to the ghost.” We aren’t the girls we were then, but we remember the hurt. We have risen above anything anyone ever tried to tell us we were or were capable of—even ourselves. So my sister and I called out the names of all the people who had hurt us, all the experiences there that had wounded us, and then we blessed it all.

Happiness is saying “boo” to the past.

As we left there, we both felt like a huge weight had been lifted. Somewhat later after having tea with my best friend from high school, she “accidentally” turned onto the street to our high school too, so I said, “let’s head on over there then.” She and I had more boo-saying to do to the place.

It was cleansing. It was beautiful.

It was time.

How often do we say “boo” to the places that haunt us? How often do we say “boo” to the people or events that felt like crap, refusing to be held captive in their web any longer?

Say “boo” to something in your life right now and see what a difference it makes. Remember what I recalled as we drove away from a place that didn’t have many good memories for me. Nothing can have power over us unless we let it.

And nothing should have the power to steal our happiness away from us.

 Say “Boo,” and Get Happy!

 

 

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Happiness is Neighbors

Blog, Inspiration

Neighbors 6-6-14Perhaps it was because I was born in a small town to people who were from a small town themselves, but I was taught the power of neighbors early on.

Some of my fondest memories come from playing with the neighbor kids, anything from ghost tag to hide-and-go-seek.

As an adult, it’s been a hit or miss proposition, but right now I am blessed to have the most incredible neighbors around. Stepping out and seeing them is an opportunity for a quick visit that sometimes turns into tea or a drink on the porch.

Happiness is neighbors.

Where we live is critical to our level of happiness. Yes, we can be happy inside us—the highest place—but the space we call home is like the soil to those soul roots. I learned a while back to start praying for good neighbors when I’d had a few who…well, weren’t. When new ones arrived, I would write them a welcome card and wrap a shiny bow around a bottle of wine. It never failed to surprise them and created that initial bond of friendship. Since then, we’ve grown together in leaps and bounds. When I had just started writing and dreaming about becoming a “real” writer, one of my neighbors told me about this idea he had, one that he felt “called” to do. Well, his dream just went live on the Internet today, and I was over the moon for him. Like my own dream, he’d worked for a long time on his, nurturing it and helping it come to life.

Neighbors are my community. The ninety-one-year-old lady across the street and I wave at each other every time I leave the house. I started this tradition some time ago when I realized I would want someone to wave to my grandmother, who was alive then.

I designed my neighbor’s garden, and in two of my neighbors’ yards, I have vegetables growing in their space that soaks up full sun.

We tend to each other. We celebrate each other. We shine light to each other.

The fences between our properties aren’t there to keep each other out. They existed before us and don’t define our relationships. They’re only a marker that gives my garden structure and some privacy when I need it.

There was one neighbor down the street who really kept to himself. For years, I heard tall tales about him, many that curled my toes. One day, I was out gardening and was guided to introduce myself even though I’d been in the neighborhood for years. After his initial surprise, he warmed up like a Labrador puppy. The poor man was shy, a loner, and not great with people. Now, he’s warm and friendly and is someone we can all count on. Funny how just a little connection changes everything.

What about your neighbors? Are they community? Is there a way to forge new bonds and bring new light to your neighborhood? I’ll bet with only a little smile and an introduction, you’ll be amazed at how incredible things shift in the place you call home.

 

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Happiness is Surrendering

Blog, Transformation

Surrender 5-30-14Most of us women have a hard time with this word, surrender (and I expect it’s foreign to most men). I know I have had my own tug of war with it. I want to fall back and trust that I will be caught, but so often I just want to turn around and go into a push-up position myself because I can do it myself.

Surrendering.

What in the heck is happy about that, you might ask?

Well, at the core of it, we’re truly happy when we trust that everything in our lives is going to work out, even if we can’t see how.

We come to that trust by surrendering.

I recently heard an explanation of surrendering that really worked for me: it’s the act of letting go of what no longer serves us so the good stuff can show up easier (and faster, I’ll add).

If that’s what surrender is, why in the world wasn’t I doing it earlier? Before, surrendering seemed like giving up on something I truly wanted or some power-based notion that I didn’t have enough power to make something happen on my own. Surrendering was a disempowering act in my old world view.

But that is changing.

I recently did the inconceivable. I placed my first book—a book I had spent over four years working on—for free. Imagine doing something like this, especially when writing is your livelihood. I had been guided to do this earlier, but I couldn’t at that time. But it still kept coming up, so I firmed up my resolve and followed my heart. I surrendered the book and all of its messages to the ultimate good of all.

And do you know what happened? Tons of new readers are resonating with NORA ROBERTS LAND and reading the rest of my books. Who knew that the act of making something free could bring in such abundance?

There’s a link, folks. Play with this one for the next week and see where it takes you. Is there something you’ve been holding onto, trying to force this way or that? How about a gentle surrender? Bring a little happiness into the situation instead of chronic anxiety?

Who knows? It might just change your life. My act of surrender has.

 

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Happiness is Dreaming

Blog, Transformation

Dare to Dream 5-22-14If there is one thing I know it’s that we all need to have dreams in our lives. If we don’t, our spirit withers and dies.

It’s just that simple.

For a long time, I dreamed of being healthy again. I followed my guidance, took action, was patient with the process (okay, not all the time), and voila, here I am healthier than ever.

In the past few years, I dreamed of being a bestselling author. I wrote. I worked hard. I learned. I got rejected. I got back up. I put myself out there again and again. And then I followed the road to my highest version of publication. And voila, here I am.

I have other dreams, ones yet unfulfilled. I am sure you do too. And I nurture those dreams inside me like I do a new baby plant in my garden. I tend it with gentle care. I applaud it as it grows, and I darn well make sure I keep the conditions right so it can take off.

Are you dreaming?

It takes some daring, doesn’t it? When I was younger, I would have said, “who am I to think I could be a bestselling author?” I’m just a girl born in a small town in the Midwest whose first house was a trailer.

But who am I not to be?

Who are you not to be?

It also takes some pretty big dreaming. There is a boldness to big dreams. I watch Master Class by the awesome Oprah Winfrey, and over and over again, the actor or artist talks about having big dreams, dreams that didn’t seem possible. Dreams that person is now living. I am inspired by those people and am grateful for their stories.

Happiness is dreaming. Big. Daring to. Following the dreams. Living them.

What is your dream? If you don’t have one, reach deep. Put your hand on your heart and listen. If you don’t hear it
at first, do this again and again for the next couple of weeks. You might be surprised by what you hear. I know I was. I thought I had my whole life planned out. Funny how that works.

My entire life has shifted because my dreams would not be silenced by rejection, by a lack of acknowledgement by “the gatekeepers,” by the “impossibility” of them. Your dreams won’t be silenced either, and like Paulo Coelho writes sDream Big 5-22-14o beautifully in his incredible book, The Alchemist, the Universe always rises up in support of us living our dreams.

The journey may be windy or straight, fast or slow, easy or difficult. We don’t know when we set out. We just know we must.

So, if you’re tired of following your dreams because you’re not “there” yet, take heart. It will happen if you keep going. If you don’t have a dream yet, then listen to your heart. It will tell you what it is and what to do. And if you’re living your dreams, tell others. We all need the inspiration.

The world would be a lot happier if we were all reaching for and then living our dreams.

Here’s to happy dreaming.

 

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Happiness is Thriving

Blog, Transformation

Happiness is Thriving 5-16-14We all root for characters that can turn their lives around. From the first chapter or those opening scenes in a movie, we see them simply existing, perhaps unaware that there’s something better for them or just coming awake to the realization that there is.

People are like that too. We have seasons in our life where we’re existing, surviving. Perhaps it’s an illness or a heartbreak or a disappointment. Whatever it is, we start shrinking. It’s like our spirit literally contracts inside us.

As I wander through my garden this spring, it feels like the perfect metaphor for my characters…and well, me. I am thriving. I’ve had my share of all of the above, but like the Holy Grail that characters seek out, I found the healing waters needed to nourish me and bring me back to life. Once there, the good stuff starts pouring in. My spirit started expanding like new buds on my English rose bush until there are thousands of them literally within days.

Happiness is thriving.

I’ve had some interesting conversations with people lately, and it’s pretty obvious what stage they are in. Surviving or existing is tough. The skies feel constantly cloudy, there’s little passion in our lives, and we often walk around confused or overwhelmed. Then there’s the other stage of finding that internal Holy Grail, the healing waters of our true nature and our divine purpose. As someone who’s changed her entire life in the last few years, I can say firsthand that this stage takes courage. But we receive glimpses of that golden cup along the way when we are tired and want to give up. Yet in those moments, we realize we don’t want to go back to where we came from. Just surviving and existing isn’t enough. We are made for so much more. Once we know how to drink from that golden cup all of the time, we start to thrive. Everything changes, both inside and out.

Where are you in your human experience? It takes real courage to look, and sometimes, we are blind to where we are, especially when we’re in survival and existing mode. In that stage, our senses are numb because of all the pain we have left unresolved inside ourselves.

My current heroine in THE CHOCOLATE GARDEN is going through all of these steps, and as the writer, her best friend, it’s a privilege and an honor to watch her journey and transformation to thriving again—our true nature. The same is true for the “real” people in my own circle who journey with me from time to time. The same is true for myself.

Take a moment to think about what thriving looks like in your life. Once you do, hold the vision and start moving toward it. It will find you, and you will find it.

I can promise you that if you allow the golden cup to nourish you to that state, you will be happier than you’ve ever been. Thriving. What an incredible word. What an incredible state of being.

 

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Happiness is Giving Ourselves Space

Blog, Transformation

Happiness is Space 5-9-14The rat race has been on my mind lately. Just think of that phrase. Rat. Race.

And yet it’s a phrase commonly used to describe the lives we lead. This endless cycle of busy-busy-busy.

Why are we so driven to rush through life? I know I have this pull inside me: the desire to do more, be more, accomplish more. What about you?

Well, I’ve hit a “tired” patch. I don’t consciously participate in the rat race as much anymore, but I realized I have been pushing, rushing, being busier than is good for me. How do I know? Because I am creatively zapped right now, tired, and just want to lie in a hammock and feel the breeze wash over my face. So I’ve made some changes to my schedule recently so I can recharge.

Happiness is giving ourselves space.

In order to cultivate happiness, we need to give it space. We need to nurture it, and what I really mean is that we need to do this for ourselves. We need space to be available to the good stuff: fun, creativity, connection. All of the ingredients to our happiness stew. A friend was just talking to me about being available. I like that term.

Deep within us is a space that longs for simplicity and peace. A place that doesn’t want to have to do another chore or accomplish one more thing. It’s a space that just wants to be okay with things as they are.

Acceptance.

That’s a powerful word.

We can’t really accept ourselves if we’re always pushing. We can’t feel happiness if we don’t have enough space, rather like a butterfly trapped inside a plastic bubble. The crushing, contracting feeling we experience when we overdo things zaps all of our happiness.

Are you giving yourself enough space? Heck, are you giving yourself any space? Take a look with me at your calendar, for example. If you don’t have a lot of white space on your calendar, this might be a wakeup call. I know mine was. Now tune in and ask yourself, do I feel any peace in my life in this and this area? If the answer is no or you can’t feel that calmness, then you need more space.

Like I do right now.

So, step back. Cancel some things that aren’t really important. Shift other things ahead.

You’ll find yourself immediately feeling more peaceful. Happiness is just around the corner.

 

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Happiness is Helping Others in BIG Need

Blog, Inspiration

Big Help 5-2-14One of my sisters and I were on the phone the other night in one of those cherished hour-long conversations. It was a gift.

This call held some pretty emotional moments. Just a few days earlier, a devastating tornado had ripped through Arkansas, not four miles from where they live. She described the wreckage. Houses were sitting on the interstate. People had lost everything in the blink of an eye. She wanted to do something, and her opportunity arrived on angel’s wings.

Friends of hers called and said they were loading up their suburban again and driving into the heart of the disaster with perishable goods and clothing after the police had let them through the day before. In a spurt of spring cleaning weeks ago, she’d dumped out tons of clothes and shoes from her closet, but she hadn’t gotten around to doing anything with them. Thoughts of a garage sale disappeared. God had a purpose for those clothes. They were supposed to be my sister’s way of helping those people in need, neighbors really, when you think of it. What’s four miles? This was the first time we started crying on the phone with each other, feeling their loss in our way and our own fragile love for them.

Happiness is helping others in big need.

Then we talked about a friend of hers in her early thirties who has just been diagnosed with breast cancer. Again, my sister was wondering what she could do. Fortunately, sometimes all we need to do is ask someone who’s gone through it. She talked to a colleague who had gone through a mastectomy like her friend was doing and suggested the best gift she could give was an electric toothbrush since it’s hard to lift one’s arms after surgery. My sister said, “Why don’t they tell you things like this?” Well, if you’re reading it and ever have a friend diagnosed, perhaps you’ll remember that helping someone in big need can sometimes come down to a simple toothbrush.

Or used clothes.

There’s a funny feeling when you help others in big need. It’s like an Oreo. There’s this white side that’s filled with the happiness that you could help. But there’s also this other dark side that hurts and makes you feel…a heck of a lot. When I was a hospice volunteer, I felt those two sides acutely when I came off my shift. I might have been with someone who was dying, the only person by their bedside, and I was happy they weren’t alone. But I bled that they were alone except for me.

Except for me. How often do we say our help isn’t enough? Or that someone’s need is far too big for us to fill? We’re only one person, right?

Well, we are all connected, and one thing hospice taught me is that I may never talk to the person I was sitting by who would die, but I could love them in that moment for a lifetime. That ultimate connection always made me happy even as I wiped tears from my eyes as I drove home.

So when someone needs big help, remember that there’s happiness waiting for you. The happiness of stepping up to the plate when others may fear the shadow. The happiness of knowing you are making a difference in that person’s life. The happiness of knowing every bit we give counts.

And do you know why?

Because it’s from our hearts, often mixed with a few precious tears.

 

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Happiness Is Trusting The Vision

Blog, Transformation

Tunnel Vision 4-25-14Sometimes you see just the right thing at the right time. A book drops off the shelf. Or in my case, you turn the TV on at the right time and come across a program you weren’t planning to watch.

One you were meant to watch.

That happened to me last Friday. I was watching a movie, and I hit the wrong button and went back to the TV. The channel that came on hadn’t been one I had been watching. Can you hear the eerie music creeping in? Something magical is happening. The show was on Oprah’s network, OWN, and she was interviewing Pharrell about his song, “Happy.”

Well, I know when something significant is happening, so I started watching, and boy, am I glad I did.

Pharrell shared that when “Happy” came out in the movie, Despicable Me 2 in July, NO ONE would play the song on the radio. It sounded nothing like the other hot music on the radio then. Can you imagine that?

He doubted.

Then he trusted the vision.

He made the video to “Happy” in November because he believed in it, five months later mind you, and it went viral. Now it’s one of the most played songs out there and has catapulted this artist to his own success, one that he’d given up hoping on.

Happiness is trusting the vision.

Why did this resonate so much? I’m still a new author, out less than a year. I put NORA ROBERTS LAND out there in July, the same time as “Happy.” The book has been finding readers and the other way around, but there have been some bumps here and there. I still know where I want to be, and I’m not there yet. I’m grateful for all I have received, but I have had my moments since quitting a very lucrative career wondering if this is all going to work out.

Happiness is trusting the vision.

If Pharrell can have that big of a shift in just five months, so can I. My sister, Michelle, the one who had her ex blame their divorce on Nora Roberts also just had a huge breakthrough. She’s still working “the day job,” but pursuing her dream job on the side like I used to do. She was just voted Best Wedding Planner of the Year in the city she lives in.

Again, happiness is trusting the vision.

Deep down inside us, there is a blueprint of this vision. Once we are brave enough to look, we see what we’re called to do. But that’s not enough. We have to take guided action and that takes courage and trust and lots of grace.

When the storms come and shake the foundations, when things don’t turn out like we expect, it’s easy to stop trusting that that blueprint, that soul vision, and think it was wrong or simply fading like old ink on parchment.

In those moments, we have to reach deep inside and trust the vision. The vision is the path to our highest happiness.

Where are you with your vision? Do you have one? Have you looked? If so, are you moving forward?

A dear friend just wrote me to tell me she is taking the steps to her divine blueprint, this new blissful vision. She said it’s exciting and scary and oh so new.

That’s how the path is lined, it seems.

But we are not alone as we walk it, and our feet are sure and true as we continue to walk down it—even when the sky grows dark. When it does, there is shelter and support.

We wait for the sun to come out.

Happiness is trusting the vision.

 

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