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This whole week, I have felt two days behind. Everyone around me seems to be running late too. I’m even writing this post a day later than usual. I’ve felt overwhelmed with my upcoming book release—not my usual energy. My mantras this week have been many: I have more than enough time; everything will get done somehow; I trust others to get things done; it’s all going to turn out awesome.

I was just discussing the need to trust others when things are running late with my sister. Most of us work in some form of a team, even if it’s our personal life. I remember how I had a few other sisters who always ran late when we were trying to leave for church. I was “always” on time back then and found it frustrating to wait. Now, I’ve allowed myself to be late and go with the flow when it feels like there’s nothing I can do to change it. When I’m caught in traffic and know I’m going to be late for an appointment, I don’t sweat it as much. I call if it’s going to be more than ten minutes and simply do my best. I don’t drive faster anymore. What’s the hurry when I want to stay calm and safe?

Happiness is Being Late.

The other thing I have learned about being late is that sometimes you’re right on time. Have you ever had that happen? You think you need something on x date only to discover two days later that something better came along out of the blue.

Giving myself—and others—a break for being late has also been one of my new pieces of compassion. We all have run late at least one time. Sometimes I don’t know the reason someone else is late, so I don’t get angry with them anymore. I bless them and simply hold the intention of it all working out beautifully in the end.

This week I felt so behind that I even thought about cancelling my special lunch and fun time with a best friend. I fought the urge. There’s an old Buddhist saying: when you’re busy, meditate twenty minutes; when you’re really busy, mediate an hour. I meditated longer and went on my fun date. And then did the work needed when I could. It’s easy to get lured into sacrificing the fun stuff in our lives. The truth is that there is always stuff to do and that somehow it will get done. Deciding what’s critical and what can wait is part of growing up.

Have you been running late? Have you been trusting others to come through for you in the end? Join with me and give yourself a hug when you’re being late. Heck, maybe even go a step further. Hug the people in your life who are running late. We could all use a break out there.

 

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Just this week, I came across a saying that gave me pause.

You don’t get what you want.

You get what you believe.

My first thought was holy moly. I’d better check my beliefs.

I’ll admit I sometimes fall back into old negative habits where I get frustrated when I don’t get what I want. What about you? Platitudes like—You don’t get what you want. You get what you need—never worked for me. I’d scratch my head and ask myself, “Why in the world did I need this?” It was painful or really hard. And don’t even get me started on platitudes that say: It was meant to be or It will all work out like it’s meant to.

I have finally learned that I’m the co-creator of my life. I am not a victim or circumstance or fate. When I started acting this way, e.g. believing it, my life really started to become happier.

Happiness is believing it.

What do you believe? About yourself and your life? This week I am writing down my ten core beliefs about myself and my life and deleting the ones I don’t like. Here’s a preview.

I am lovable. Keep.

I am powerful. Keep.

Great things happen to me all the time. Keep.

I’m still having to work way too hard for the good stuff. Delete.

I sometimes don’t know what to do. Delete.

What does your list look like? Join with me to take inventory and believe your way to a happier life. Every day my happiness percentage increases, and because of that, I know yours can too.

 

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For a long while, I thought home was a place outside myself, a place where I could feel safe and happy and comfortable. It’s taken me some time to realize that my true home is inside of me. It’s that quiet center where everything settles into peace, joy, and contentment. It’s the sanctuary from the busy, chatty mind who wants to tell me all the reasons something won’t work or all the ways that I’m wrong.

Happiness is making a home inside yourself.

It seems so obvious now, but it wasn’t. I thought home was a place, the building I lived in. I even thought it was my family. But it’s none of those things. All of them are impermanent. All of them can’t fully be everything to me. I am the only one who can be everything to me. I am the only one who can truly see to all my needs.

So, I’m keeping it simple this week. I’m seeking that special place inside me more and more as I surrender to the unknown, to a future that sometimes seems less than clear. I am home. I always have a home. I can always find that home. It’s inside of me.

Are you at home inside yourself? Are you giving your power away to a person or a building? Join me and find that sanctuary inside yourself. Watch the happiness pour in like sunlight when you find it. It’s well worth the trip—and the stay.

 

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Do you love yourself? It took a long time for me to feel real love for myself, and there are still times when I feel shame over the shadows inside me.

Do you remember when you stopped loving yourself? I’m not sure it happens in one moment. We come into this world thinking we’re wonderful, knowing how beautiful we truly are. But that gets eroded, like the sea buffeting the coastline over time and changing its landscape.

My mom reminded me of a story last night, one I hadn’t thought of for some time. She always made our birthday cakes into shapes, sometimes an elephant, sometimes a giraffe. This particular birthday cake, she made a girl. My mom said I cried over this cake, and she was right I did, but I’m not sure she ever understood why. My mom had used yellow frosting for hair instead of brown, like my own. And she’d painted bright-blue freckles on her face, which stood out so starkly against the white cake that the girl looked like she had measles. I’m sure my mom made these choices unconsciously. She was only trying to make a beautiful cake. But I cried because I didn’t have blond hair, and I was ashamed of my freckles. That cake represented me not being good enough as I was. And when you aren’t told you’re pretty or special, there’s little to reinforce the newly sprung lie in your own consciousness. And so it begins.

I remember watching “The Help” and was simply revolutionized by the scene where Aibileen is rocking her blond little charge and having her repeat, “You is kind. You is smart. You is important.” She is reminding that little girl who she is. In that moment, I wished someone had done that for me, and then I realized I had to do that for me and my children and every other person on the planet. And I needed to add: “You is beautiful.”

Happiness is loving yourself.

Sometimes we get lucky and start out with people who love us for who we truly are and don’t try and change us into their image of them. For the rest of us, we have to find the love we have inside us for ourselves and nurture it and grow it, ever fanning the flames.

Take a moment to call up one of your first memories when you felt wrong or ugly or stupid. Bless that little child you were. Hold him or her and say with me: You are kind. You are smart. You are important. You are beautiful. But most of all, my dear ones, you are loveable.

 

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I pretty much feel like one of my perennials bursting through the cold, hard ground. It’s been dark for many months, but I have taken care of my roots. Now it’s time to see how much I can grow after all this fertilizing and resting.

I’m ready to burst past limitations. I’m ready to burst past other plants around me who want to stay the same. I’m ready to rise as high as I can to feel the sun on my body as I unfold more and more.

There’s an urgency in me right now, one that’s driving me past all the old darkness and coldness to fresh air and more space. Expansion. Yes, expansion. I can’t wait to see where it’s going, but I know there’s only one direction I am going and that’s up.

Sure, I don’t mind a little healthy pruning, but this plant, this new me is ready to burst out.

Happiness is bursting out.

Today the bursting out came in speaking my truth to someone trying to trample on me and my desire for growth. She told me to wait to pursue my dreams, the one I have been doggedly pursuing for some time now. I told her that if I had taken that advice I would never had quit my old successful career to publish books as a writer. Playing it safe isn’t my nature. I am radical that way perhaps, but I have to follow the call in my soul.

What is the call in your soul right now? Are you bursting out into something? Don’t worry if you don’t know what. I’m still not sure where it’s all going to go either.

But just remember what I do. It’s only going to lead to one thing. More time in the beautiful, magical sunlight. And that thought keeps me going. It makes me happy because I know I am going to get there. I plan to enjoy the climb.

 

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My niece’s pigtails were uneven today when I saw her. Even my brother commented on it, saying he needed to do them again. They just weren’t even. Drew attention to them rather than her sweet, smiling, drooling face. Her head looked off -balance, almost like she was listing to the right.

Sometimes we feel like that. A little uneven. A little off center. I tweaked my back this week, and everything has felt like that. Actions I used to take without a thought like getting out of bed have become a hardship. Pain has become a teacher, and I reluctantly bid him welcome again.

Sometimes we need take break down before we can be re-knit into a higher version of our selves.

Happiness is unraveling.

This is the time when we hold onto the promise of happiness, the knowing that if we just take a the time to unravel those uneven pigtails and redo them again, so to speak, then we’re going to be better off. We’re going to be happier.

When we are uneven and unbalanced, we simply aren’t happy, are we? We can’t be. It’s not how we are made.

So, I let myself unravel more. Slow down. Give more attention to what my body and heart are telling me. I rest. I listen.

And when it’s time, I start braiding the pieces back together again, this time with more clarity, with more attention.

When I am finished, I’ll be happier than I imagined.

What needs to unravel for you right now?

 

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